If there is one way in which a woman can feel that she is not the weaker sex is by remaining single all her life. This thought came to my mind after being questioned several times in the past few days on my "single" status and after heavy thinking, I realized how life was suddenly so beautiful for me. Beautiful not in terms of clouds of love hanging on my head, or flowers falling as I walk. But beautiful because I realized how by being single, I could rule as a woman. How I could again throw my weight around and not bother about the issues of emotions and sentiments which seldom works in today’s world. How I was so free that I didn’t have to be answerable to anyone? How i could concentrate on many more things in life which I had left pending for a long long time now. And how I could look all around and pamper myself with “eye candies” everywhere. I mean do we really need a man to create an identity for ourselves? I guess its just a misconception and i have risen much much above it now.
But the question is not why this happens? The question is “how” this happens. The “so called” inhabitants of the planet mars called “MEN” probably forget their golden concepts of reasoning and practicality when it comes to wooing a girl. In just one instance, they can hand over stuff ranging from their wallets to their hearts. I mean this is one phase where we girls can actually make a guy run on his toes and he can still manage to be as sweet as honey, which probably one would never find once he becomes your boyfriend. The usual issue would always centre around “why aren’t you like before?” “How can you change in just one year?” And the usual answers normally are “Things Change”
But do things change so much? This “short lived” phase my dear friends, is what marks as a moment of victory for women. It satisfies the feminist instinct in one self to say that “women rules”. The problem with us is, that we end up falling prey to this “wooing” too easily, and after some time, end up loosing our importance. The solution is playing “hard to get”. If we play hard to get, there are two advantages in that. One, the guy will actually realize how lucky it is for him to be with the girl he loved and he would consider it a sort of an achievement (as normally guys do). To quote an anecdote, a friend of mine while talking about his girl friend said, they are like competitive exams, you fill up 10 of them but only the one where it is tough to crack, you work hard for it. Secondly, to be a little more selfish, it gives a great relief to one’s own feminist instinct to see men drool over us, even if it is for sweet nothings.
Which husband or boyfriend gets flowers or chocolates everyday? Which husband or boyfriend keeps complimenting you for every thing you say or everything you wear or sometimes for nothing at all? I guess this is one phase where we all have to reach at some point in our lives, then why not enjoy a phase where we are considered important for what we are and who we are. A phase where, women can actually drive men crazy. And people say being being single is a bane? All you girls out there, I say enjoy till it lasts…after all this is our moment of victory!!!!
8 comments:
Really a great blog. I do not think I have the right to comment. All I can say is maybe there are better things for you ahead. Maybe destiny did not want you to be content with someone who does not deserve you. I think it is the man's loss in this situation. He is probably insane.
Spriha, the hot water spring (ing) woman. She jumps.
(to conclusions) and beginnings. Run into her axe, lean and taught.
i love so much when you declare, you are manless, or far from (beyond)--manworthy. when you say single, it means whole. Like a louki, papaya, jackfruit. Joyfully Whole.
thats the only way i want to be anymore. double is trouble. and long distance, is imaginary, even absent. love is when you breathe, and wake up with an ache in your groins for the day to move faster and slower at once.
love is overrated, but not as much as sex (why all that sanctity?! that it becomes Godlike as love?). i've begun worrying about love, because that's somuch CHARITY to deal with. stupid unconditional love. why can't we relax with intuition? We have to participate in love, for there to be any love, relationships, break-ups notwithstanding. there is no us, only All of Us, all the time. i think i just want something deep and simple. like the ocean. like the sodabottle. there is freedom in longing. and that's what i love (ENVY!) about our singlicity.
some(rare)days i like to think we're married (not legally or materially, as the term is used), and other days, complete unaware strangers...but what i most like feeling is the sadness, the bitter-pale sweetness of the departed Boyfriend--what a word.
yours (in victory and vehemence),
Prince-ss Koku.
Dear Spriha, regards from chilly Finland. I bumped into your blog after a long while and your thoughts made me feel refreshed :)
Love,
Maria
Hey sphriya ....good to see u r head high inspite of the "singledom".... ...love is like vishnu and its avatars; love is poem when you are in 12th std, love is sex in college ; love is companionship when you start working; love is common interests and activities when you are in middle age and love is bajans and spiritual yatras when you are old....so enjoy every moment of it..:)look around and love is near u ...dnt have to see the other hemisphere for love
and yea love is the food we have together :)
I have a very different view from you Spriha.
Why do women think that they are the only victims of these kinda troubles? Is is just because of the statistics?
Being in love is definitely the best feeling in the world. but as everything else, it has its own side-effects. let me be more precise: AFTER EFFECTS.
Being single is never a problem but at some point of time, one needs somebody who is close to you. whom you can hug when u r feeling alone... and kiss when u r feeling happy.
Pondering too much on this issue and after undergoing through such troubles myself, there are things i learnt:
1. Its not only girls who have a break up problem. This happens to guys too... in fact, it happens more to guys as its them who try to win the hearts of gals. gals often do that (SO IN CASE OF A BREAK UP ITS A LOSS TO A GUY). its just an immunity which has come into today's guys who have become less emotional towards these relations.
2. Girls are equally responsible for a breakup. Expectation levels are there from both sides. if girls expect the guys to be with them, supporting them, romancing them and wooing them as they did before the relation, the guys have a similar list of expectations. which may start from looking as great as they did before the relation, make them feel top of the world...
solutions? i have none... but there are a few thing to ponder..
1. why do we still have only two options? being single or committed.
2. why does every committed relation needs to end up into marriage?
3. why we still have our social system believing into religion/caste/age barriers?
4. why don't we have an option of non committed relation? enjoying life without frills
5. why intimacy is still considered a taboo?
in other countries, these things had a mixed outcome... but i guess that we should learn positives.
I was horrified to read your statement that "the feminist instinct" would be that "women rule" and, secondly, that this same instinct enjoys being drooled at
"even if it is for sweet nothings".
The above, I would say, is a mockery of feminism / feminism totally misunderstood. Feminism is not about "playing hard to get". Already a Wikipedia search on it will broaden your horizon and help you rectify your misconceptions. Perhas you could also look into postcolonial feminist critique... All the best!
Mr. Annonymous, I completely agree that the author of these audacious views should not release her notes in public domain. Not only are they shallow and unidimensional, they are so badly written. In trying to be 'a' feminist, her only contribution is to reiterate the stereotypes of women. Ms. Siphra, whatever your deep desires are being fulfilled, your writings do not fulfill anyone else's desires. Also, as a request, please do not, Do Not, make your poems public. That would be a torment. Really. Anyway, I had to waste precious five minutes of life writing this because stupidity of such extremity should not go without checking. (and do exactly do you have to do to have these people write flattering notes, seriously)
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