An advertisement in newspaper says;
"Wanted a bride for a 25 year old, convent educated, fair and handsome boy, Knows how to cook, drive, wash clothes as well as can speak very good english. Very good with kids and pets"
Heres a mind boggling session people...this is the concept of HOUSE HUSBAND. What do you guys say? Wouldnt it be a revolution if we start getting such advertisements in the matrimonial section of our newspapers? i am sure it would be.
For the past few days, I have been coming across people, mainly the men folk who also call themselves the victim of this age old patriarchal set up. According to many males, given a choice they would prefer to be what they convinietly call as “House Husbands”. Wow….i infact like this concept. I mean just imagine, I come back from office all tired and theres my husband at home who has prepared the dinner for me, sets the table for me, all my cothes are clean and at the same time kids are put off to sleep after they have been helped with their homeworks. Its like a dream…hee hee. Anywayz coming back to what I was saying, the concept of “House Husband” is not bad at all. I mean all the people here who have been calling me a pessimist and saying I am not looking at the brighter side of gender equality, let me ask u? Please leave the so called “hypocrisy” for a moment and tell me. Are u ready to be a house husband? Would you be proud in telling people outside that your wife is working while you prefer to stay at home?
Now, this is another bane of the patriarchal set up. According to the male folks with whom I have been interacting, given a choice they would love to stay at home, or take a break from office and take care of household chores while their wives work but they wont do that because that is a sort of a taboo for society. Your level of respect will go down immediately and you would become a sort of a laughing stock. You would be treated as a “second grade citizen” and referred to stuff as “Joru ka Ghulam”. And thus males would never even think about taking such a step. This is the first bane of Patriarchy for the male folks. Women have been suffering a lot, its time males get a taste of what suffering is like. Something like a taste of their own medicine?
25 comments:
Spriha,
A good mind boggling issue. it would be better if women responds to your views. Agree or not but it is always the women who derive identity from their husbands and very rarely men derive identity from women. even our society also feels the same way. I am asking you as a young girl would u like to be your husband be like that...speak honestly...would feel a sense of pride introducing your husband as a a house husband who soesnt do any thing. It is not the question of a male ego being hurt but the tolerance of woman will be of very low ebb for their husbands. Beleive me thse are hypothetical questions and situations and can never come into reality. You have to beleive than men are physically stornger than woman and take much load than woman. Think for INSTANCE YOU ARE GOING FOR A LONG DRIVE AND YOUR CAR GETS PUNCTURED,,WUD U CHANGE THE TYRE UR SELF OR ASK UR HOUSE HUSBAND TO DO IT. IN NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES IT IS THE HUSBAND DOES THE JOB AND WIFVES SIT IN THE CAR...There are so many instances i can write which a woman cant do while a man does.So not this that i am against the system of house husband...but it cannot be done on a reality..evn the kids needs motherly love in childhood...u can man can provide that...i am afraid not..so dont introduce such blogs which are not at all feasible in our society.
Sprihajee,
'House-Husband!'. Seems A Very Innovative Brain-Child of A Die-Hard Anti-Patriarchy Soul. I Full-Heartedly Agree With Your New&Fresh Thought-Process. There is Absolutely NO Doubt that A Woman Can't Do Anything that A Man Does, Sometimes They Do Better than Men. But I am equally Sure that a Man Can't DO Everything That A Woman Does !!. Yes, Transforming A House Into Home is One of Them. Rearing a Child is Another. She is a Perfectionist in Many Such Areas. Believe Me. Cooking Your Food or Washing Your Clothes is The Only Thing that You Ever Delegate to Your Husband, If Given A Chance. He Just Can't be a Substitute for a Woman in Rest of Areas. SHE is A Life-Giver..She is Everything...LOVE,SACRIFICE and More LOVE !!!
Good to see the two comments. I would like to comment on the first one specially...who says women derive identity from their husbands? Kiran bedi? whos her husband...i dont even know :) Its not like that anymore....women dont need a male support to derive identity. I think they are very much capable of proving themselves in the outside world today.
You have been giving very cliche and utopian examples...let me tell u when i learnt driving, the insructor taught me how to change the tyre and i could do it. And the same applies for other women also.
The concept of House Husbands is a very novel one. I just wish to ask u whether u can be out of that patriarchal set of mind and then answer. But i am sure people are not ready to come out of the so called "Patriarchal" set up. And thus it answers my question.
ok agreed...can u give me 10 more examples like Kiran Bedi...I can give you millions of examples...rather our whole society.I dont beleive in the system of patriarchal or matriarchal society...i beleive in one society where both man and women have equal participation in making up the family which turns into a society. I think you have obssesed with this feeling that woman are suppressed and it is the man who is responsible for it....no it is not the way...there has to be a mutual respect for each other to run the family, and in that aspect there should not be a feeling that who is earning more and who is holding a important position and status.....
Since you have given the example of Kiran Bedi...let me ask you somthing...Had sanjay gandhi been alive today...what position Maneka would have been holding in the country....Perhaps Rajiv Gandhi would never have come in politics and no question of Soniaji coming in politics.
Men are we living in a make believe world??
I don't know about Me n Spriha but yes there are women out there who are OPRESSED and there are wishes that both the sexes have have, but what I disagree is with the fact that women should take back seat to their husbands..the concept dat behind every successful man there's a woman only sounds revolting, why should the woman be BEHIND the man??
My problem is with the fact that why do men become soo DEFENSIVE when we talk about women rights?
Why r girls taught to play with other girls?why are girls made to leave their family n their house to believe that their husband's house is THIER house?? Why are girls called paraya dhan??
why can't ppl let us be? after pheras why does the pandit ask to give the bride a new name??
does gettin married change ur identity??
may be House Husband is Utopia but its UTOPIA at its best..n its also a ishful thinking but personally all i would want is my guy to be understanding i don't care if he stays at home or not but he should knw that i'm tired too i can't go around picking his towels, making his bed n cookin his food..i NEED A BREAK TOO!!!!
hehehe
perhaps u can give ur matrimonial ad something like this:
"needed a house husband"
that wud be really revolutionary.
but then wats the need of even giving ad....why dont u pick up anyone from the so called males u are, wat did u say,interacting with.
and then u can proudly say to ur other feminist frens that my hubby is a "house husband"....that wud surely put ur reputation up!
and dont worry bout others.....if u ACTUALLY live by the ideas u are posting...u wont ever have any identity crisis.
PS: i posted this anonymsly coz i dont have any blog acc. not something like i am afraid as i have seen that most of the times u so called rational ppl end up targeting the person only....
i am the one who posted that anonymous comment(ya ya i just now learnt how to post in name on blogspot).
u have some spriha(though lord krishna in BG asks to be nispriha)
perhaps this wud make u happy.but sad its all foreign.and just to tell u i got it from some feminist comm. on orkut.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=LYxJ8V_0ktw
watch till the end especially listen wat that fox news reader says.
Saurabh..
plz read rest of d comments also before u react in d way u did
@spriha...
just imagine how it wud b like if ur father wud hv been a house husband nd do all the stuff u mentioned,4 ur mother...nd honestly,wud u like it that way?
Firstly i would like to tell saurabh, that the fact that you are reacting like this shows your uncomfortness to the idea of "house husbands". I am scared if we have anymore people like you in this society, god knows where the society would go.
Aseem, the question you asked me is very pertinent..makes a lot of sense. Well i would surely not like it if my father would have stayed home to do all the chores and my mom was working because our society doesnt acknowledge such a thing. The mental blocakade still exists. My concept of "House Husnabds" can only become a reality if men and women are reated equally. I mean i feel whats the harm in it if males decide to stay back home and work while their wives work outside. Dont women do that? tell me?
wow!a house husband.
It's always been my fantasy to be a house husband.Spriha,can i be your house husband?i am fair and handsome.I dont know how to cook,but will learn it.I can wash your clothes and am good with children
"...whats the harm in it if males decide to stay back home and work while their wives work outside"
Dosnt it sound something like a river is flowing in it's natural way,absolutely fine.Then some one come and say"whats the harm in it if the river starts flowing backward?"
I'll tell u the harm...as flowing downwards is the natural way for a river,similarly,the patriarchial society goes along with the natural abilities of both males and females.it's a fact that males are physically strong and females are emotionally strong,u just cant do anything about it,it's the way it is.Now where the problem comes???The problem arises when both males and females start assuming that doing the household work and looking after the house is something inferior,which in fact is not the case.So,the whole effort should be put in to reestabilish the prestige and to uplift the status of a home maker,not to do something stupid like a cow to be used for transportation purposes and a horse for obtaining milk...that would just be stupid.
he he...i think i have touched the right spot. That is y u seem to be so perturbed aseem. You are for your own convinience accepting the fact that we have a "Patriarchal System" and it shouldnt be hampered. This is just the insecurity of the male folks that if the patriarchal system is wiped out...where would they go?
Secondly, We are living in 21st century where things are changing everyday. Its an era of rapid growth...y the hell then u r talking in terms of conventional aspects like river flowing in one direction??? I used to hear my grandma talking like that. I mean we are all educated human beings and we are in a position to transform society..arent we? Had that been the case we should have let the britishers rule over us saying...let things go how they are going, why fight for our independence?
U need to look at things from a broader perspective...and if u do i am sure u wont make such comments.
"..y the hell then u r talking in terms of conventional aspects like river flowing in one direction??? I used to hear my grandma talking like that"
who is perturbed?
river flowing in 1 direction is a conventional concept?realy!!So,nowadays,rivers flow upstream rather than downstream?hee hee...cant remember any such river.
"...we are in a position to transform society..arent we?"
That's my whole point..u can transform society,but u cant transform the natural abilities of people,u cant make a cow to be used in battlefields and a horse give u milk.Yes,if you want to transform society,u should uplift the status of the home maker because thats something related with 'society'.
"....Had that been the case we should have let the britishers rule over us saying...let things go how they are going, why fight for our independence?"
do u really think britishers were naturally better rulers than us?if thats the case,i m sorry i cant do anything about it...if not,i dont get how this analogy fits into the concept we are talking about.
Ur post dosnt give any answer to my argument.It seems that due to lack of any argument,u r not able to accept how ur 'revolution' broke down even before starting.Srry for that,my sympathy is with u...........
hmmm....i wish you all the best. I hope u get well soon aseem. U need to come out of your staunch beliefs to accepts the reality. Probably the chauvanist male in you is not ready to do that. I sympathise...i can understand.
U are comeparing women to a cow..rite? that the sole purpose is giving milk(similie to taking care of house)...i have my sympathy for yoyr wife/girlfriend. Because people like u who have such pre concieved notions are the ones who are not letting the society progress.
I dont understand why r u hell bent on proving the fact that men and women have rigid roles and it cannot be changed. Tell me if we have "housewives"(which u r surely very comfortable with) why cant we have house husbands? Or shall i say u are scared to accept it? In case you are..dont worry, my support with you. :)
just as i thought....
When feminsts like u end up with any arguments,they just start labeling the other person as a 'chauvenist' and all.
And you dont need to worry about my wife,she'll b (as well as i'll be) very happy as most Indian married couples are.But i really have sympathy for your husband,or shall i say 'house husband'.
"...Because people like u who have such pre concieved notions are the ones who are not letting the society progress."
I guess the progressed society u r dreaming about is more or less like the western society,so,just for your own satisfaction,u can very well see how succesfull the western married life is compared to a conventional Indian married couple.But u wont understand and u wont listen.It's not the people like me who are not letting the society progress,rather,it's the peole like you who with a limited vision dream to make a revolution and detiriorate the whole society.
P.S:I dont think u can come up with any sane arguments,as evident from last 2 of your posts.So,I'll give u a piece of advice...Instead of fighting with me,save ur energy to fight with ur poor husband.
Aseem
I think everybody's entitled to their own opinions but this blog spot is just to raise views and not fight. We are not here to show down anybody, but raise and solve issues that bother us.
As I said before its a vicious circle
Agree with u megha.....nd moreover,I dont want to waste nemore of my time on this coz i dont think any more disscussion is left here....
So,bye
With great interest, I have read the views of spriha,aseem,megha,saurabh and alok.
all of them need to be commended to express their views. However i would like to comment that these sites are more to express your views than to personal attacks. the whole purpose of the blog is over when one starts making personal attacks. I find all of you doing it. What aseem has written sounds very cogent( the example of river flowing downwards or difference of role of caw and horse) There are certain laws of nature which the god has made to play a role in the society, which we can discuss but cant change. think about the role a lady plays in the family and later in society. why only take the negative aspect...take the positive aspect...can a father have the same attachment with the newlyborn which a mother will have whom she has kept in her womb for 9 months. every second and minute she is able to converse with her/him. she knows when the child needs feeding and when the child is in pain...u think if husband stays in home will he be able to provide feeding to the child or will the child have to wait for the mother to come from work and then feed the child. So let us not make this a forum for personal attacks....
Alok proposed to spriha for being a house husband...a very funny situation would arise for him in reality...he can learn cooking and washing dress but how can he achieve the basics instincts of a mother.
Aseem, as a husband i too agree with all your arguements and also find it very convincing...but no one wins an arguement by losing ones coolness. you seem to be a very well informed person and dont leave the arguement.
I am sure both spriha and megha from heart to heart realise this that it is the inner qualities of a woman which make her run the home.
If you go to animal kingdom it is the female which breeds the child not the male.....in fact males kill the baby. i dont suggest that this will happen with human also, but the fact remains man is not equipped with breeding the family.
I by God's grace is happily married for one and a half years now.I work in a office simply to increase the money input as well as manage my home and so a better label for me wud be "working house wife".
Well one thing i know that let the society change anyway,i wont force my husband into anything with which he is not comfortable.
Perhaps i tend to agree with aseem more that what needs to be changed is the status of a home maker.Infact spriha,wat u are desiring,the first practical step in achieving that is this only....to raise the status of a homemaker.
@rajesh
i fully agree with your comment.But you know these forums fail to do any concrete.Most of the net users are from well to do families and such identity problems are less there.Infact topics like these of house husbands just attract attention which is quite evident from the comments this post has recieved compared to other posts on the same blog!But then yes...one is free to post her views and there shudnt be any bondage over that.
-regards
Arti
Arti, i was happy to read ur comments coz ur comments are more relevant to spriha and mehga ( i presume they are not married)and as these utopian ideas come to only those who have no idea and experience of reality of life. Your comments shows you are a matured and satisfied home maker.I would like ppl to make this forum like the way you have done and not attack personal comments as spriha, alok and aseem have done. since me too a married person i am a regular visitors to these blogs and i feel we experienced ppl can give guidance to these younger lots who are enthusiastic and want to change the society and the world. Change is always for the better but to change the basic structure and norms may effect the pillars on which our human existence stands.
very nice writing .but yaar ye thoda jyada ho jayegaa .
Firstly, Spriha it was a great blog entry.
Then, all the men here are very uncomfortable about the idea of house husbands, and there is no denying that.
Boys tell me why are you not even willing to try out the idea? We are not asking for a complete role reversal world over, but maybe just more breathing space for women. If nowadays women can work n take care of domestic duties(like arti) why cant men also tend to children or chores. and please all your arguments about cows n horses and rivers are quite bogus for there are many societes in the world which are matriachal, matrilineal and matrilochal. So really men and women arent 2 diff species (like cows n horses) and the river is infact bi-directional.
the whole idea of the house husband is to make men realise maybe they are not just mere bread earners and can play other roles as well (which they refuse to as yet).
yes i agree with aseem that home-making is no joke and one should learn to respect it. and really boys if u respect it, why cant u do it? for you guys have picked up all other so called woman jobs ranging from chefs to fasion designers to aestheticians to mid-'wives' and nurses to babysitters.....the whole load.....really, why not house'wife' as well?
and alok, you must be a really cute guy!
"I dont understand why r u hell bent on proving the fact that men and women have rigid roles and it cannot be changed. Tell me if we have "housewives"(which u r surely very comfortable with) why cant we have house husbands?"
Men produce sperm and cannot have babies in their womb. Women nurture babies in their womb and cannot produce millions of sperms in a day. That role cannot be altered. It is a stereotype deviced by nature. The role of men and women is born out of that. Kiran Bedi because famous be cause the feminist media gave excessive coverage to her. There are thousand of men who are cops and have done far better than kiran Bedi. But the media didn't oay much attention to them simply because Kiran was a woman.
Men and women belong to the same species but they are different and they compliment each other. Men and women are not THE SAME. Men are better at doing certain things and women are better at doing certain other things. Women and feminists are talking about househusbands because this is the era of machines. It is not very difficult to work outside. In the earlier centuries, physical work was the only way to do work. How many women are ready to dig trenches for hours together continuously? Men do that. Women labourers cannot work as much as the men. They do the lighter digging.
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